my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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