We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
