I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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