Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
