so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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