I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
