my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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