you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
