I think I won the penis lottery.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize