you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
