So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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