its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
worst night to have a conscience
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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