High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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