I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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