so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
