For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
