He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
it's like iHOP with fire
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
