tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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