I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
