I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
