The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
