I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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