Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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