It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
