Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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