I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
