was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
