Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
