NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
