last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
