Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
