Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we made out on top of his cat.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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