Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
