Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
