im about as happy as oj after his trial
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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