Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
