I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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