well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I will pee on everything he values.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
