sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My balls are so social today.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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