i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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