Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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