im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
