we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
