I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
