I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
