I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
