If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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