I don't usually arrange sex via text message
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
