I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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