i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
