dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Can I color on your dick again?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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