I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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