Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
