I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
