I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize