I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
