the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
