Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
