If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
