I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
