my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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