dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
