When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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