Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
