Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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