You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
A+ Viking dick
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
