we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
