Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
