I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
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We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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