I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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