Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
