I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
