I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
