God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
