I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
